A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.

I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

I never looked at bread the same way again

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.