I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

She can't say no if she's unconscious.

Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.