I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away.

I mean, I understand that Scrubs was my big break, but sooner or later you have to move on. I've already directed a movie, which received very good reviews, so it just seems much more important to me now. I feel that in order to better foster my creativity as an actor and director at this point, I need to be surrounded by other talented, artistic individuals, instead of just goofy comedians.

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

I mean, I understand that because they're disadvantaged that they deserve their own parking spots, but do they have to make them so wide? I never understood how these people were allowed to drive cars but they get these really neat chairs with wheels and they're still not happy, so instead of parking their wheelchairs in the designated spots, they upstage us normal people and get the best parking spots with vehicles that are clearly too sophisticated for them to be handling. Still, you should smile at a cripple, because it's the only bit of happiness they'll ever have.

I'd like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it's called. And that's only when I'm having an off day.

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people.