I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.

Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?