If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.

I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.