If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.

I'd like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it's called. And that's only when I'm having an off day.

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.

I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it.