Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?