Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute.

When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.