My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.

Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.

I blame Walt Disney; well he has to find voice actors better than me somehow doesn't he?

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.

I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.