My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.

I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs.

I don't care about image and all that nonsense. I'm in sweat pants every day. I don't play the game at all.

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.

Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something.