Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly.

Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power.

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.

I had a very funny family.

Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot.

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.