I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.

Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.