I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

I'm grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it?

You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.