Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.