So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.

It's a really fun hobby to set imagery to music, and finding the right songs for that. Your favorite song in the world might not work at all... for one reason or another.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.