I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2.

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people.

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.