I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league - I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you're interested.

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

I really like just super dry comedy.

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter