I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?

I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power.

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.