The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.

People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not saying it's right but, you know, we could all benefit from following that example.

Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?

She can't say no if she's unconscious.

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.