If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters.

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

I once looked in the mirror at myself and noticed that, without a doubt, I am a sexy man. In fact, I don't think I'll ever get married...it just wouldn't be fair for my spouse to catch me enjoying a look in the mirror more than having sex with her.