Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

It's hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.

I think in a play it's wise to just sit back and watch other actors and be able to shape it from the audience.

People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.

I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.

Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.