When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.

I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

I know every politician spins the truth a little.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.