I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops.

I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.

I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.

Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever.

I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

When you were a kid and the circus came to town it was awesome to see these little creatures, but these things go out of fashion, like polyester blazers with rolled up sleeves. We don't have to suffer them anymore so why are there all these little people running around?