I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.