I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.'

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters.