I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.