I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

I really couldn't say how famous I really am, that's for the history books to decide. But I'll probably be pretty up there.

A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.