Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?