The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.

I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me