I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.

I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.