I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.

I had no interest in sports so I didn't make friends in that traditional way where kids are in public school and they go and they join clubs, and play sports. So I kind of had to find my own way to make friends and get attention and so I just was the class clown.

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.