I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.

I blame Walt Disney; well he has to find voice actors better than me somehow doesn't he?

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh