I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people.

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.

I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would want to put words into my mouth, I mean I did write, direct AND star in a critically acclaimed movie.

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.