Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.

When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State

I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.