If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?