In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.

When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.