Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.

When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.