Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.

Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them.