Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?

I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful

You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none of them got a chance to see it. Let that sink in for a second. No wonder they're building a memorial.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.