I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

She can't say no if she's unconscious.