A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.

Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.