I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.

I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.