You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.

Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.

If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.

I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league - I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you're interested.