It used to be that you came out of school, and you got married - those who were going to get married. But my peers are getting married in their early 30s, so now there's like this extra 10 years of that angst.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.