Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.

Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.

I love signing autographs! Sometimes, when people ask me for one, I keep the photo for myself and frame it. It's a Win-Win situation really; I get an extra 25 dollars in my pocket AND another portrait for my bedroom.