I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.