I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.

I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops.