I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

I'd really like to give back to the world, but everything I've achieved, I've earned on my own, so what's the point?

I think in a play it's wise to just sit back and watch other actors and be able to shape it from the audience.

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter