Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

I had a very funny family.

I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another movie.