I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead of letting some schmuck write the soundtracks for him. But then if he were as talented as I am, he'd be Zach Braff. And have his own Grammy.