You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.

The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.