If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.