I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food

There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.