I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

My comfort zone is press conferences.

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people are desperate, and a lot of people are clueless, including me. It's hard to try to figure it out. I've never told you, but I have head shots that if you saw them... they're so terrible! It's so embarrassing.