My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.