I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.