I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.