Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.