I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.