Come over to my house with your sister, baby, and I'll show you who's gay!

You always need something to complain about. And if you can't come up with anything better, you come along with team leaders. I don't believe in this chitchat.

Wherever I go people recognize me, call my name, cheer for me. But there are names no one cares to remember, that no one cheers for: the 805 million people suffering from hunger in the world today.

At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous - it was no one's business what car I drive - so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.

Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17. I turned it down. Zlatan doesn't do auditions

I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.

When I got the red card all the Chelsea players come around. It felt like I had a lot of babies around me.