You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.