You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

I get depressed at airports.

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.