If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.